Malayan Tapir

The Malayan tapir is an endangered species that is shaped like a pig, has a mini-trunk like a stunted elephant, and is genetically related to horses. It has four toes on its front feet and three on its back feet. Is it more cute or more weird? I'm not really sure. It's definitely pretty cute when it's little, that's for sure. When it grows up, it looks like this:

The strange markings you see are a form of self defense. The idea is that maybe, just maybe, predators will think that the tapir is a large rock or something. Oh, and they're mostly nocturnal and the largest species of tapir in the world.

I have very conflicted feelings about this animal. On the one hand, since their primary means of self-defense is looking like a rock, I am not terribly surprised that they are endangered. On the other hand, the main reason for their becoming endangered is illegal deforestation in southern Thailand, Burma, and the island of Sumatra, and that is definitely not their fault. Also, even as an adult, they really straddle the line between weird and cute. Whenever I have the instinct to say that I think they might be more weird than cute, I feel sort of sorry for them and don't want to say it out loud, because I would hate to hurt a cute endangered animal's feelings.

Would I hang out with a Malayan tapir? I don't know. They're vegetarian, which I like, but they communicate with shrill whistles, which could get annoying. They can weigh over 600 pounds, which is intimidating, but they don't look like they would want to fight me. I think I've decided that the baby Malayan tapir is cute now, but the adult one still seems pretty weird.

I know this is the part of the review where I am supposed to make up my mind, but I don't think I can.

My verdict? I just don't know how I feel about the Malayan tapir, but I can't stop thinking about it.

I decided! It's cute. No, wait. The nose is still so weird, and its ass is enormous. But the baby is cute, I'm sure of it now. The more I look at the adult, the weirder it looks to me. And I do feel a natural sympathy for endangered animals, but there's a part of me that knows that animals go extinct all the time and our attempts to prevent that are pretty weird and paternalistic. But it's definitely the fault of humanity with the tapir, and not natural selection at all. And the baby is really quite cute, now that I've gotten used to it, but I'm having trouble getting past the whole, "Don't attack me, I am actually a rock" approach to defense. Then again, that's sort of hilarious, and a great trick if it actually works...